Friday, June 7, 2013
I walk into the room to say goodnight, and he is sitting on his bed reading. I lay next to him – “Whatcha readin'?”. He responds, but I don’t hear him because I am having a flashback. My mind has drifted back to the not-so-distant past. It has drifted back to about a year and a half ago when my babies first came to America. Those were such uncertain times. Not uncertain in the way of “did we make the right decision”, but uncertain in that the four of us were “learning” each other and trying to mold into a family. There was a beautiful awkwardness. How can you love someone so much that you just practically met, but feel like you have been connected to by heart your whole life? There was the language barrier, the outbursts, the calls from the school, the “I hate you”, the hours of negotiating…and it goes on and on. Then there were those times when anger overcame our youngest – it was a physical reaction, one too overpowering for his little self to bear. I would watch his body shake and cry out to God “please take it away! Please let him see that he has your power to fight this!.” Sometimes he would run – and not just outside, but down the street (and sometimes towards the main road). He would run with a terrified look in his eyes as if it was all he knew to do. I did the only thing I knew to do…I chased him. I was pregnant with our first biological child at the time, too. I was trying to hold it all together and navigate the emotions of a pregnancy and the emotions of blending two precious babes from across the world into our family. When I flash back to that time, a sense of peace comes over me now. Those are the days that pushed us to the limits, grew us, tried our faith, made us rely on HIM, and made us into a beautiful family. Almost two years later, we have finished up another school year, we have celebrated birthdays, we have vacationed and made tons of memories, we have watched them fall deeply in love with their baby sister, we have weathered emotional storms, and we have all grown and changed. How great is our God. As my mind snaps back to the present, I say to Joash, “Jo, remember when mommy used to fall asleep with you every night because you were scared? Then I would roll my big belly over and practically fall out of your bed to sneak out, but you would wake up and throw your arm around me so I would stay? I miss that.” He turns to me and smiles and says “Mom, it’s funny you read my mind because I was kinda just thinkin’ the same thing”.